It’s a bright and sunny October morning as I drive to work. I have plenty to be grateful for; my freedom, my health, my boyfriend, my adventures and the direction my life is heading, yet I am sobbing. Uncontrollably. My eyes are so full of tears it’s difficult to see the road ahead.
Here he is again, popping by to say hello and keep me company. My little Black Dog.
I have suffered from depression since 2006. To some who know me, this may come as a surprise as I’m often complimented for my cheery and positive disposition. However, on 3 occasions, I’ve got myself into a right pickle.
I’m slowly learning there’s a possibility my little Black Dog may never go away. As much as I want him to, I get the impression he might stick around because he is a part of me.
Rather than trying to ignore him, it may be best to accept he is there and maybe even become friends with him?
Every time he rears his little head, I try and work out why.
It occured to me this morning, rather than analysing it, I should acknowledge he is there and go about my day to day life knowing he will soon get bored and go away, just like all the previous times.
Thankfully with each visit, he does get bored and doesn’t stay for long as the previous time. He also doesn’t seem to give me quite as much attention as he used to. Although, he has popped by fairly frequently recently. I wonder if he is testing me?
This all sounds light-hearted and simple, but believe me, it doesn’t feel easy when he is sitting right next to me watching my every move. He makes me feel sad and effects my ability to think straight.
Here I sit, in the company of my 2 office colleagues, fighting back the tears as I write this.
Damn dog, go away!
And the purpose of me writing this? To do exactly as I have written above and acknowledge he is there. To let him know I know what’s going on.
Perhaps I should even learn to love him?
Because he a part of me.
To learn a bit about The Black Dog and depression, you may like this video.
This post was a bit of a deep one from me.
The number of times I have read this back and contemplated deleting it.
It’s still here though.
I’m keen to hear what you thought about it.
Do you have a Black Dog? How do you manage him?
If you’re feeling brave and want to share your story, hit me up on Twitter and let me know about you and your hound —–> Tweet me here.