I am NOT inspiring

Wed 03/05/17
I’m struggling to take it all in.
Could it be that I am finally feeling normal again?

I haven’t felt like this in months!  In fact, I forgot what it felt like.  
There was a part of me that was worried that I might never feel normal again.  I genuinely thought the amount of stress and pressure I’d put my brain under the last few months might have actually caused some damage!

I haven’t been active on my blog, social media or video diaries recently because I have been knuckling down and getting stuff done!  
The snowball has finally started moving and is now picking up speed.  Wowza!! It took some shifting! I thought it might never move.

The last few months have been totally and utterly dedicated to fundraising. It quite honestly nearly (mentally) crippled me.

Some call me inspiring.
Inspiring, eh? I am flattered but I am far from inspiring.
For one, in my opinion, that word is overused these days. We’ve all got to get on and get shit done. That’s the way of life right?

I am choosing to dedicate all (!!!!) of my free time finding the money for my row round Great Britain. It’s a situation I have put myself in.
Yes, I’m determined and I wasn’t going to take no for an answer but let me give you a little insight…..

There were parts of the last few months that were far from inspiring. The bits where I was a total zombie and didn’t want to speak to my housemate, leaving the house in a mess and always being too busy to talk.
What about the bits where I didn’t check in with my best mates to see how they were, wish them luck in an event they were doing or a happy birthday?
And what about that nice guy I was seeing, who I was too busy to talk to on the phone and ended up calling it a day because I was just ‘too busy’?

That’s just the start.
I would frequently turn up to work absolutely shattered from staying up late writing emails, unable to perform as I should and wanted to.
There were times where I’d work myself into the ground to such an extent I actually made myself mentally ill and couldn’t get out of bed for 2 days. My friends were really worried, especially after a few things that have happened to me in the past.
The fundraising for this challenge very nearly took me to those dark places and it was all self inflicted.

So, would you say this was inspiring? Because I certainly don’t. The determination that people see is utter stubbornness. I’ve had it since I was a child. My dad always told me.

My obsession to raise the funds to row round Britain blinded me from everything. I wonder if that was normal? The people I have spoke to who have done similar things in the past say it’s the hardest part of any challenge.

So now I’ve got a Lead Sponsor! The snowball is rolling down the hill at a steady speed and the incredible weight on my shoulders has been lifted.  But let’s not get carried away, I still have £5,000 to raise in 3 weeks! (I can’t even start to think about that right now).

Since securing eMoov as my lead sponsor, I have also gained sponsorship from other companies offering goods and services such as headphones, mental skills training, food, snacks and clothing. It’s all starting to come together at last.
What I hope to demonstrate in my journey to row around Great Britain is that this social media, sponsorship, blogger, endurance athlete type thing isn’t all it’s cracked up to be.  It’s bloody tough! In fact, if I had known it was going to be like it was, I don’t think I would have agreed.

I want to show that behind every free pair of headphones, photoshoot, interview and a substantial multi-££££ sponsor is a world far from what most expect.

Would I do it all again?  I don’t know.
Right now, it just feels great to have my mind back. To be able to think clearly, engage in conversation, have my appetite back and not feel in a permanent state of exhaustion and angst.

The other purpose of this post is to show that lots of small steps make a difference.
Can you believe I went from £5,000 to £16,000 sponsorship in just a few weeks?
Always remain hopeful, always continue going forward, one step at a time and keep moving towards your goal. In my case, it was, and still is £1 at a time.  In a few weeks, it will be one oar stroke at a time.

Thank you to everyone who has supported me so far. I really really appreciate it!  Your donations, big or small, allowed me to keep believing I could do this. Thank you.

And a big enormous thanks to eMoov for supporting and believing in me and my challenge. Without them, I may have crawled under a rock by now and become a hermit.